Lately, I've been obsessing over Photoshop CS5. I was such a noob the first two days then I ran into    tutorials on Tumblr and, thank goodness, I finally got the hang of it. Well--a little bit.  But we all start there, right? So, yeah, I grabbed my camera, which has awesome quality, and started to take pictures.

oh my goodness, my pores are so pitiful. :( 

I need a facial. 

I like this shot. Not to be vain or anything, but I love seeing pictures of myself smiling, knowing that that shot looks great. I don't know I just love smiling! Although my left eye looks kind of  weird there...

Le sad face. :(

To be honest, I don't look like myself up there. Wierdo.

My hair! It looks so pretty in the picture but it looks so fugly when you see it personally. Boo.

I love this shot though. I'm such an amateur. 

What direction am I going?

VAS HAPPENIN'?

I'm pissed at my life. Not being ungrateful or anything but... Sometimes I feel like my life has always been on the down side. Sure, I have my happy moments but like all the other irrelevant things in this world, it doesn't last. How come the pain's always there? It just never leaves. Aren't I strong enough? Why does God keep testing me. When will I ever get to experience the good life? Call me selfish, but I'm tired of waiting already! When will my time come? What the heck am I talking about? I'm talking about my dream: to be a singer. Pretty childish dream but you're never too childish when talking about something you've been wanting to do since the day you first ever  laid your eyes on a mic. I'm serious about this, it's the kind of dream that you want reach so badly, it hurts. There are so many things in life that I want to have but I never wanted anything more than this and you don't know how hard it is to try and believe in yourself when no one is there to support you, to guide you. 

I've uploaded videos, I went through every kind of social networks and everything--you name it! But nowadays, it's kinda hard for people to notice your talent anymore because a lot of people are doing this now and every single day I suffer from emotional pain thinking that I will never get to achieve my dreams that I will never be famous. I'm not really doing this because I want to sign autographs or take pictures with fans or make tons of money--okay, maybe a little bit of that last one. Who doesn't want that?!--I'm here for the music. 


Music, like most of the artists say, plays a big role in my life. To be honest, it is my life. I lived for 15 years with music by my side; It's practically my best friend. I grew up, barely even aware of what I'm doing, singing basically every single day of my life! Well, yeah, don't we all do that? But what I mean is, most of the time, I'd be singing, I don't even notice it! You see me quietly sitting over there, and then suddenly I'm singing at the top of my lungs. I just love it. 

When you're passionate about something, you'll do absolutely anything to make sure you live by that one thing. Because when that one thing is gone, it's like you don't have a reason to live anymore. 

There comes a time when I'm just lying on my bed, listening to my playlist of One Direction and I come to thinking: If these five regular lads, just as regular as me, got to sell out tours in minutes, travel the world, win an award in just over a year, and hit straight to #1 on the first week of the release of their debut album, why can't I? (I don't want to jump to the part where I will start fangirling for the boys, I'll leave that for future posts.) I know I can do this! I smile at that thought, like the smile I always have when I see pictures of Zayn.. and then that smile falters. Because I suddenly remember that  I'm scared of the fact that maybe I can't do it? What if I'm too much of a coward? Maybe I won't be able to make it because, to be honest, the only thing I've got is talent. These days, you'll never be something if you don't have the complete package! You need the looks, the confidence, everything!  If only I was pretty enough, if only I had financial support, If only I had the confidence.


I'm such a hypocrite. Well, you probably know what that means so I don't have to waste 10 seconds of typing just  to explain that, right? But trust me, I'm really trying my hardest to build up my self-confidence but this world is just too full of intimidation! There is not one place in this planet that you won't find something to kill your self-esteem. You might even wonder "Does this kid even have problems? Her life looks so fucking easy! Living life in luxury and showered with fucking blessings all the time while I'm sitting here trying to find ways to make life a little less painful." I just tell myself: Yes, man. This person has problems, too. Just cheer up because maybe your life is even better than that person's. You might start thinking that that person even wishes to live your life.

We all want what we don't have. Lucky for those who are born with something, their content with what they have. Yet most of us are still ungrateful. 

I just want to chill--lay back and watch the world rise without me. You might be surprised that it doesn't happen like that though. Each and every one of us has something to contribute and I know, I feel it in my bones, I was born to do this. I was born to show the world my talent, what I can do, what I have to give. If only people would see this.  Unfortunately, there are less chances for you to be ignored than to be noticed. What a sad world this has become yet my hopes are still up and I've still got my head held high because no matter what happens, I'm believing in myself. 

I've seen people go through this: Lady Gaga, Jessie J, Demi Lovato, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Liam Payne!, and so much more. They've experienced rejection and yet they still tried harder, worked harder to become a better artist, to become what they are now: Inspiring people with their life story, their music and by who they are. 


I hope this is enough explanation to make people see how much this means to me.



If your not yet convinced, here's my YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/jamsvillaruel?feature=mhee.  Although I'm sorry if my singing isn't that great there because those are impromptu videos. I never had the time to prepare ( school ) and I don't have mics or cameras so, yeah, really sorry for the poor quality but I still hope you see the talent I have.



xo,Jams.